Bud Light made me gay

It has become a recent, needed feature of American life that companies show their solidarity with the gay community. There is no better way to prove bigots wrong. We have the mighty on your side, they have the scum of the earth. Every June, companies around the world show their support by making their products and social media extra-gay friendly. Rainbow flags here, a lesbian couple there, it's all really great.

But I want to thank them for more than just that. I want to thank them because Bud Light made me gay.

A few years ago, I was straight. Actually, I still identify primarily as straight. However, for one special night in 2015, I was gay because of Bud Light.

It all started when I walked into that bar and ordered a Bud Light with lime. A couple of nice fellas approached me and sparked up a conversation. They were enchanting, and one of them bought me a few more Bud Lights with lime. As the night went on, I got drunker and wilder, and the room started getting hotter and hotter. I started feeling tremendously horny, but, to my chagrin, there were no ladies in the bar that night.

I'll spare the dirty details, but I want to once again thank the Budweiser corporation and those handsome young men for what happened next.

How to Chat Up 21st Century Boys - A Guide for Gays

 NOTICE. This article was written in collaboration with our friend and fan of the blog Harvey Dawson. The thoughts are Harvey's, the words are Chance's. This article should not be misconstrued to suggest that either Chance Rollicks or Alan Throttle have ever been in a sexual relationship with a man other than the local youth pastor.



We are now two decades into the 21st-century, and it is increasingly difficult to chat-up hot, oiled-up boys. Now that homosexuality is more accepted by society, gay men don't give it up so easily. We too have become bourgeoise and coy about our desires.  In the past, the average stuff-muffin beefcake would fuck and suck as much as he could because he didn't know where his next dick would come from. Now conversation and dating are what the hunkiest hunky-hunks expect. Boy times have changed. Now even Grindr is full of pacified gays looking for relationships and conversations about what is best in life. What are we? Lesbians?

Tyrese says no. I say no too.
 

I wanted to give some tips on how I chat up guys. Hot guys like Tyrese. No fatties, no wimps, only pure big-muscled Athenian boys and Spartans with humungous javelins.

It's really oh so simple. First, you just need to send a nice hot message to their inbox:



Second, well, there is no second. After sending a hot message like this, most guys (particularly straights) will reject what you lay on the table. They aren't ready for their steaming hot TV-Dinner yet. What you need to do is continue to chat them up. Say sorry. Compliment them. Even the straights will try not to come across as homophobic and will continue talking to you. That is when you can begin to exploit their latent homosexuality. Nobody is purely heterosexual."Ever been curious, young man?" "It's like putting a beer bottle in your mouth, handsome."

That is how you start talking to qt-ies on the internet today. From there, it is only an oily, slippery slope to the bedroom and, yes, maybe even a manly relationship between two handsome Adonises.