Sunday, March 22, 2020

WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH FURRIES?

Alan Throttle here.

When you hear the word "furry," you probably think of your pet dog, hamster, or favorite rug. Apparently, furry means something else, and let me tell you, reader discretion is advised. 

Chance and I ventured deep into the Twitterverse in search of interesting people to interview, and oh boy did we find a few...

In the Continental United States there is a community of repugnant humans that dress up as animals and engage in orgies. They call themselves "furries".

Upon requesting any and all furries to explain themselves to us via Twitter, a furry named "Ender" reached out to the official Pipeline Twitter account. We asked him(?) for a general description of the furry lifestyle and we were met with a slightly obtuse response. Ender told us that furries "act like they're humans in public" to avoid scrutiny from society. Ender however, implied that he got into the lifestyle because he was interested in the artistic aspects, whatever those might be remain undisclosed. He(?) did also imply that the furry community is most definitely sexual in nature (like we didn't already know that).

In the furry lifestyle, race is non existent. However, in place of race, furries have various species. A list of species that roam the furry universe was given to us by Ender:
-canine
-feline
-cervine (is that even a thing?)
-reptile
-avian
-other creatures that "walk on two legs"

Ender considers himself a hyena because he likes spotted colors and laughing, and no, I'm not joking. I do however wonder if the stereo-typically powerful species are prejudice towards the weak ones. I like to imagine a furry lion establishes sexual dominance over all other furry creatures, just as Alan Throttle the Lion would do. They're freaky, but not prevalent in Alaska, so whatever. 

Furrily,
Alan Throttle

No comments:

Post a Comment