Alan Throttle here again.
After a short period in Sin City amongst men with the sniffles, prostitutes, and troughs of alcoholic beverage, I have come to an extraordinary revelation. I was born to live in Las Vegas. I reached this realization halfway through a patch of what an acquaintance of mine informed me is known as "booger sugar." Enjoying this sugary substance off the crevasses of multiple lovely ladies reminded me of the frigid chill and thrill of Alaska. I am even afraid to admit, for a moment, my person felt more like an Alaskan in the Nevada desert than it ever did on The Last Frontier.
I sure am not implying that Las Vegas is better than any part of Alaska, but I sure do recommend my fellow Pipeliners to visit Viva Las Vegas.
Deviated Septumly,
Alan Throttle
Showing posts with label environment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label environment. Show all posts
Friday, March 13, 2020
Monday, February 24, 2020
3 Reasons Why You Should Be Reading The Alaskan Pipeline
1) We believe in science.
2) We believe in science
3) We believe in science
Bonus:
ALASKA
2) We believe in science
3) We believe in science
Bonus:
ALASKA
Tuesday, February 18, 2020
Greetings, Alan Throttle here. As my counterpart Chance Rollick informed the masses, we at 'The Alaskan Pipeline' conduct tireless research on a daily basis. This research often takes us to places the average human being is not willing to go. But, us intellectuals at the 'Pipeline' bypass our own sanity to go to these undesirable places.
The most recent experiments conducted in our state of the art laboratory have revealed a shocking truth that the general public will not likely accept...right away. After multiple sleepless nights here at Alaskan Pipeline Headquarters, our tireless work has exposed a hard truth. The truth being that the oceans in their entirety here on Earth are in fact MEANT for our man made wastes. Elaboration shall ensue below.
WHY WE MUST USE THE OCEAN AS A GARBAGE RECEPTACLE:
Reason 1: Why would our Creator entitle us with such a large sum of the Earth that we cannot walk on? Surely, it is meant for vast use. If we have been blessed with such a space, we are obligated to use it intelligently.
Reason 2: Landfills are eyesores. What kind of imbecile wishes to see the the waste of others piled under our beautiful green ground.
Reason 3: Trash is incredibly abhorrent to our senses. Especially, our sense of smell. Why would we knowingly inhale fumes of toxicity when there is a vast place to submerge material.
Reason 4: We put our pets in great danger every day that we keep trash above water. Even subterranean trash can harm out pets. As any critically thinking man would know, DOGS DIG HOLES. Can you name a time you have seen a dog swim deep into the ocean or scale the surface of it? Neither can I.
Reason 5: Edible waste can be consumed by sea creatures that might not have been able to feed themselves otherwise.
My sympathies are extended to those who might argue against these 5 principles.
Exquisitely,
Alan Throttle
The most recent experiments conducted in our state of the art laboratory have revealed a shocking truth that the general public will not likely accept...right away. After multiple sleepless nights here at Alaskan Pipeline Headquarters, our tireless work has exposed a hard truth. The truth being that the oceans in their entirety here on Earth are in fact MEANT for our man made wastes. Elaboration shall ensue below.
WHY WE MUST USE THE OCEAN AS A GARBAGE RECEPTACLE:
Reason 1: Why would our Creator entitle us with such a large sum of the Earth that we cannot walk on? Surely, it is meant for vast use. If we have been blessed with such a space, we are obligated to use it intelligently.
Reason 2: Landfills are eyesores. What kind of imbecile wishes to see the the waste of others piled under our beautiful green ground.
Reason 3: Trash is incredibly abhorrent to our senses. Especially, our sense of smell. Why would we knowingly inhale fumes of toxicity when there is a vast place to submerge material.
Reason 4: We put our pets in great danger every day that we keep trash above water. Even subterranean trash can harm out pets. As any critically thinking man would know, DOGS DIG HOLES. Can you name a time you have seen a dog swim deep into the ocean or scale the surface of it? Neither can I.
Reason 5: Edible waste can be consumed by sea creatures that might not have been able to feed themselves otherwise.
My sympathies are extended to those who might argue against these 5 principles.
Exquisitely,
Alan Throttle
Hello, World.
Hello, World,
My name is Chance Rollick, and this is 'The Alaskan Pipeline.' Here at 'The Alaskan Pipeline,' Alan Throttle and I look at what really matters. By day, we conduct experiments in our lab and by night we fight injustice by blogging about it.
The world just isn't fair sometimes, especially in Alaska. We hope that we can share our thoughts and make the world just a little better, one step at a time.
Yours,
Chance Rollick
NOTICE: We do not and never have had a connection to the Trans-Alaskan Pipeline nor do we represent the views of that business or the handsome, burly men that work on it.
My name is Chance Rollick, and this is 'The Alaskan Pipeline.' Here at 'The Alaskan Pipeline,' Alan Throttle and I look at what really matters. By day, we conduct experiments in our lab and by night we fight injustice by blogging about it.
The world just isn't fair sometimes, especially in Alaska. We hope that we can share our thoughts and make the world just a little better, one step at a time.
Yours,
Chance Rollick
NOTICE: We do not and never have had a connection to the Trans-Alaskan Pipeline nor do we represent the views of that business or the handsome, burly men that work on it.
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