It pains me to say this, but after nearly two months of continual quarantine at our Fairbanks cabin, Alan Throttle and I are leaving quarantine.
I know it's still dangerous out there. I know that people are sick, even dying. I know that I am putting hundreds of thousands of Alaska at risk by driving from Fairbanks to Alaska, given that I might unknowingly be carrying this pest. But we need to leave.
Alan's cousin Ricky has decided to sell the cabin and has given us 48 hours to vacate the property. In a drunken stupor, Alan threatened Ricky, and Ricky has now given us only six hours to vacate the property.
I'd hold out as long as I can here, but those bastards in the Alaskan State Troopers would have no qualms beating an innocent journalist to death. That is their modus operandi.
See you from Anchorage or see you in Heaven,
Chance Rollicks
Showing posts with label covid19. Show all posts
Showing posts with label covid19. Show all posts
Monday, May 25, 2020
Monday, April 6, 2020
Alan Throttle here again.
It has come to my attention that a certain group of companies in the United States have yet to show any concern about the Kovid-19 pandemic. That's right, you guessed it. I'm talking about the hand sanitizer industrial complex. I wouldn't even be surprised if they had a HAND in the creation of this virus themselves. I'd go so far as to say that the .1 percent of germs that hand sanitizer doesn't kill, is easily transferred by bats. This would explain the rabid spread of the coronavirus. If I have learned anything as an Alaskan, it's that we can't trust the Chinese, and we sure as hell can't trust companies that sell sanitation products.
Chiropterally,
Alan Throttle
It has come to my attention that a certain group of companies in the United States have yet to show any concern about the Kovid-19 pandemic. That's right, you guessed it. I'm talking about the hand sanitizer industrial complex. I wouldn't even be surprised if they had a HAND in the creation of this virus themselves. I'd go so far as to say that the .1 percent of germs that hand sanitizer doesn't kill, is easily transferred by bats. This would explain the rabid spread of the coronavirus. If I have learned anything as an Alaskan, it's that we can't trust the Chinese, and we sure as hell can't trust companies that sell sanitation products.
Chiropterally,
Alan Throttle
Friday, March 20, 2020
Weekly Update
Hey, everybody,
Chance here. It's time for our weekly update. As aspiring journalists, it's hard for Alan and I to get to writing articles all of the time. Our mundane day jobs exhaust us, and my parents restrict my access to a computer.
Further, the American-made coronavirus has kept us indoors. I'm at my family's cabin outside Fairbanks for the next two months foraging for blueberries. I have no idea where Alan is.
Anyways, we've been actively at work on Twitter trying to pull in some more followers who are interested in serious journalism. We've conducted a few interviews with some particularly interesting people and hope to be sharing those with you all soon. If you're into any number of excluded subcultures, you'll find our interviews tantalizing.
Thank you
CHANCE ROLLICKS
Chance here. It's time for our weekly update. As aspiring journalists, it's hard for Alan and I to get to writing articles all of the time. Our mundane day jobs exhaust us, and my parents restrict my access to a computer.
Further, the American-made coronavirus has kept us indoors. I'm at my family's cabin outside Fairbanks for the next two months foraging for blueberries. I have no idea where Alan is.
Anyways, we've been actively at work on Twitter trying to pull in some more followers who are interested in serious journalism. We've conducted a few interviews with some particularly interesting people and hope to be sharing those with you all soon. If you're into any number of excluded subcultures, you'll find our interviews tantalizing.
Thank you
CHANCE ROLLICKS
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