Sunday, March 22, 2020

The Mysterious Worlds of Cuckoldry, Sex Work, and E-Girls

Over here at 'The Alaskan Pipeline,' we have been doing a deep dive into the dark underworld of sex work. Well, not really, not quite. As it turns out, this world is no longer so dark, nor is it still 'the underworld.' In fact, it is right before our eyes in full-color. It is on our computer monitors and on our phones. It can be accessed rather easily through Twitter.
I suppose one could claim that there is a Twitter 'underworld,' but they'd be mistaken. Unlike the days of yore, one doesn't have to go far or wander into an unseemly part of town to find what one is looking for.



While I've been sitting in my Alaskan wilderness cabin escaping the pending doom of the coronavirus and munching away at bearberries, Alan Throttle has been busily traveling the Twitterrealm to get the inside scoop on e-girls. Unfortunately, some of these girls are as secretive as a Masonic Lodge and as greedy as a two-bit Televangelist. Most refuse to answer our questions. Most demanded some sort of monetary recompense.








Of course, I don't want to sound cruel at all. Life is hard. Time is money. Alan Throtte's Purell breath can be smelt from a mile away and, some might say, even via computer monitor. I'd probably ignore him too.  One lady, not an e-girl per se but a master 'alpha female,' was kind enough to answer our questions on the 'cuckold' lifestyle. Cuckoldry has made a bit of a comeback in recent years. It is now a term of derision nearly as frequently as it was in Shakespeare's time.






Queen Mia (@miaandrewsxo) on Twitter was kind enough to answer a few of Alan Throttle's questions and was quite helpful. Apparently, there is a good deal of money to go around.





I personally can't imagine giving up my money to be put in my place, but whatever floats peoples' metaphorical boats. Frankly, if these guys really are into such things, it is better that they pay women like Queen Mia to treat them like dirt rather than annoy the rest of society with their masochistic tendencies. In an earlier time, these men might have visited actual brothels and have been put at risk. In the digital world, there are few (if any) violent pimps. There is a lack of associated gang violence, drugs, disease, etc. It's also much more anonymous. If anybody objects to the proliferation of prostitution, they must recognize the world of e-girls as a step up. Queen Mia's work is hardly pornographic, and it fulfills the desires of the weaklings that adore her enough to keep them away from risky business.


 (Picture provided with permission by Queen Mia)

Still, the exploitive nature of many of these interactions is a serious concern. The relative ease in which somebody could enter into this world removes the numerous opportunities to reconsider one's actions that existed in the pre-internet age.

So what about the other side of the equation?

Alan Throttle managed to score a private interview with a man who calls himself a "submissive." The man's identity will remain anonymous, but his comments give us an insight into this world. He says he has always been submissive, and that nobody knows his secret, not even his friends.

Yet, he may never live a life as a submissive man. He wants to, like many of us, live a traditional life. When asked if he would ever be a cuckold, he answered: 






This is all, of course, just scratching the surface. Our investigative journalism might just take us further, deeper into this world.

Bildergebnis für alice rabbit hole

Friday, March 20, 2020

Weekly Update

Hey, everybody,

Chance here. It's time for our weekly update. As aspiring journalists, it's hard for Alan and I to get to writing articles all of the time. Our mundane day jobs exhaust us, and my parents restrict my access to a computer.

Further, the American-made coronavirus has kept us indoors. I'm at my family's cabin outside Fairbanks for the next two months foraging for blueberries. I have no idea where Alan is.

Anyways, we've been actively at work on Twitter trying to pull in some more followers who are interested in serious journalism. We've conducted a few interviews with some particularly interesting people and hope to be sharing those with you all soon. If you're into any number of excluded subcultures, you'll find our interviews tantalizing.

Thank you

CHANCE ROLLICKS 

Friday, March 13, 2020

Alan Throttle here again.

After a short period in Sin City amongst men with the sniffles, prostitutes, and troughs of alcoholic beverage, I have come to an extraordinary revelation. I was born to live in Las Vegas. I reached this realization halfway through a patch of what an acquaintance of mine informed me is known as "booger sugar." Enjoying this sugary substance off the crevasses of multiple lovely ladies reminded me of the frigid chill and thrill of Alaska. I am even afraid to admit, for a moment, my person felt more like an Alaskan in the Nevada desert than it ever did on The Last Frontier.

I sure am not implying that Las Vegas is better than any part of Alaska, but I sure do recommend my fellow Pipeliners to visit Viva Las Vegas.

Deviated Septumly,
Alan Throttle

We are proud to announce our endorsement in the Alaskan primary

Since journalistic enterprises tend to endorse candidates for the presidency, we here at 'The Alaskan Pipeline' are also endorsing a candidate. Her name is Sarah Palin, and she is feisty. The former governor and former TV star is the best person to beat Donald Trump, not only in the general election but in the Republican primaries as well.


Bill Weld just doesn't stand a chance.

While it may seem long a long shot, we sincerely believe that if we can get Sarah to win the state primary, she might have a chance at being taken up by the RNC at the convention. The thing is, Palin is certainly more intelligent than the President, she knows more about middle America than the President does, and she is kind of sexy (even in her 50s!).


Watch Sarah Palin Unveiled on The Masked Singer ...

Thursday, March 12, 2020

Urgent Greetings.

We here at the Pipeline are excited to announce our most recent findings after weeks of exploring cures for COVID-19 (also known as the Red Party Special). The only solution is to treat the Coronavirus like the chicken pox was dealt with in the good ole days. If the media is saying the virus only kills old people, common sense can be applied once again. Yes, I mean we let the children contract the virus now so they don't get it when they are old. Book your flights and dump your masks America, let your window licking children roam free until they have the illness. Unless of course, you don't care about them. I'm talking to you, climate change deniers.

Scientifically,
Alan Throttle

Wednesday, March 4, 2020

Mark Bloomberg!

We at 'The Alaskan Pipeline' are happy to announce that Mark Bloomberg, the former mayor of Chicago, has won the American Samoa primary! Way to go Mark!

Speaking of primaries, we will be endorsing our own special, big surprise candidate before the Alaskan primary. It is going to be a spectacle!

Thank you, dear readers, for your precious time,

Sincerely,

Chance Rollicks